Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Give and Take

I woke up today feeling unaccountably irritable with the world. Irritable that my son woke up the same time as I did, depriving me of my only chance for some alone time today. Irritable that both of my children were full of questions and needs while I was trying to get ready for work. Irritable that I had to go to work at all. Irritable that some people don't have to work. And so on and so forth. It all culminated in me screaming at everyone to get out of my kitchen and leave me alone.

For all of the blessings in my life, I sure do get grumpy sometimes. Usually it's when I haven't run in two or three days. That's not the case today. Although I didn't run this morning (because my training plan called for a rest day), I have had quality running workouts the past three days. I even managed to convince the kids to give me enough space last night to get in 30 minutes of much-needed restorative yoga before bedtime.

As a mother with a full-time job & a husband who works nights, I often feel that things are being taken from me: time with my family, opportunities to participate in community events, a social life, my energy. I think that's why I have latched on so obsessively to running at this time in my life as opposed to when I was younger. Running actually gives me a little something every time I lace up my shoes. Some days I receive something big: time spent with a friend or a medal for a goal accomplished. Other days the gift may be as simple as the sense of accomplishment that I get for making it out the door while the rest of the world is still sleeping.

I hate to think what this morning would have been like if I didn't have an outlet. I have apologized to my children for being a grouch, and I know that tomorrow will be a better day. Not because my attitude will magically transform or because all my troubles will have disappeared, but because I get to attack six miles of speed intervals before the sun comes up. Honestly, just the thought of that run makes me feel a little bit better today.